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Catherine Zeta Jones: No! Anything but this! She has one of those flesh-eating alien parasites gestating inside of her! Ever since she began that relationship with a certain male thespian, the vivacious beauty has been acting very peculiar. For example, she used to have a terrible snoring problem while sleeping, now she just seems to gag and wheeze a lot. She also complains constantly of a nagging stomach disorder and involuntarily breaks wind whenever someone asks her what the heck 'Zeta' is suppose to mean. Whatever the case, it's a good bet that movie goer's will be keeping their distance in the future.
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