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Halloween Jokes and Horror Humor   
Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? 
It had no guts...
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?Ouch...
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope...What
do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?A
fur coat that fangs around your neck...
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...
What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Halloweenies... 
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite... What
do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?Frostbite...
What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo... 
Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...
What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated...
What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...
What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Peekaboo...
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?" What
do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?A
cereal killer... 
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...
What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Ghost toasties with evaporated milk. (Thanks to
Bobbi)
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...
What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane... 
What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...
What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets... 
Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...
What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure... Why
did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?He
heard it had great circulation...
Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
He couldn't find any dloob... Did
you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?hehehehe...
(Thanks to Raoul) Did
you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?He
was buttering up his teacher... What
does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?The
cold shoulder... (Thanks to Kelli) Did
you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in
the jungle?
hee hee... 
What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet... (Thanks to Annette) What
kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick... What
did the mother ghost say to her son?
Don't spook unless you are spooken to... (Thanks
to Kyle) What
do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo... Why
did the ghost pick his nose?
Because he had boogers... (Thanks to Pearline)
What
kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boojeans... (Thanks to Amanda) Why
wasn't the vampire working?
He was on a coffinbreak... What
do skeletons say before eating?
Bone App�tit... (Thanks to Calvin)
What
does a child monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deady... Where
do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
At bootiques... What
ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster... What
do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot...
What
fairy tale do ghosts like best?
Sleeping booty... What
kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
Airline ghostesses... What
kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits... Why
did the skeleton climb a tree?
Because a dog was after its bones... (Thanks to Kirsty)
How
do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W... Where
do ghosts go swimming? The
dead sea...Why
was the witch's cat giggling?
Because it was a giggle puss... (Thanks to Sam)
What
do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween... What
do you call a skeleton stone age family?
The Flintbones... (Thanks to Gareth)
What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?
Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you?... (Thanks to Quinn)
What's
the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
One catches his dinner, the other one loses it...
Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?
Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck...
What did the t.v. news reporter say to the ghost?
Everyone dead! Boos at 11...
What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Veinilla... (Thanks to Hazel)
Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
Because it has boogers... (Thanks to Sassy)
What did the three vampires order at the bar?
Two bloods and a blood light... (Thanks to Shelly)
How did the priest make holy water?
He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it...
What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffindrops...
What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch...
What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?
Boots... (Thanks to Alan)
Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
He only had one pupil... (Thanks to Frances)
Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
Because he's a pain in the neck... (Thanks to Frances)
Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?
Napoleon Boneaparte... (Thanks to Haley)
Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?
They couldn't find their bats... (Thanks to Kelli)
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern
by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi... (Thanks to Valerie)
Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
Benjamin Franklinstein... (Thanks to Tingen)
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have two beers and a mop...
What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let's wrap this case up...
Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?
Because she flunked spelling... (Thanks to Richard)
When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?
The broom closet... (Thanks to Danielle and Jessica)
Where was satan's son born ?
Deathlehem... (Thanks to ChanceInn)
Why can't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs...
How do you tell twin witches apart?
You can't tell which which is which... (Thanks
to Taylor)
What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
A Poultrygeist... (Thanks to Chris) |
