How Fat Is Your Butt?
vampire
Place a checkmark next to any statement that applies to you:
vampire
Always charged double for airline tickets, even though you wanted only one seat Previously used a ruler to measure butt-width, now you use a yardstick
Often reported as UFO by people walking behind you Top of butt crack is exposed above belt line, even though your pants are waist high
Can't get pants all the way on unless you lay down first Have been mistaken for pitcher's mound at baseball game
When turned sideways in front of mirror, your reflection looks like a great big  S Sounds like two balloons rubbing together when you walk
Seem to sideswipe inanimate objects, even though you thought you had avoided them Impossible to keep a balanced rhythm when dancing the bunny hop lately
Recently noticed a huge round depression right in the middle of your bed After you stand up, couch cushion doesn't seem to re-inflate itself as quickly anymore
Dictionary defines the term 'cellulite' with your first name Your tailor seems to break out in a cold sweat every time he sees you coming
Can't sit on a teeter-totter without falling off to either side Can't slip through turnstiles without grunting and squeezing your buns together
Butt is registered as a lethal weapon with local police department Occasionally dream your butt can speak, but all it ever says is "ho ho ho"
Family has put you on a toilet paper budget Cattle seem to graze in the shade you provide

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