How Fat Is Your Butt?

Place a checkmark next to any statement that applies to you:

	Always charged double for airline tickets, even though you wanted only one seat		Previously used a ruler to measure butt-width, now you use a yardstick
	Often reported as UFO by people walking behind you		Top of butt crack is exposed above belt line, even though your pants are waist high
	Can't get pants all the way on unless you lay down first		Have been mistaken for pitcher's mound at baseball game
	When turned sideways in front of mirror, your reflection looks like a great big  S		Sounds like two balloons rubbing together when you walk
	Seem to sideswipe inanimate objects, even though you thought you had avoided them		Impossible to keep a balanced rhythm when dancing the bunny hop lately
	Recently noticed a huge round depression right in the middle of your bed		After you stand up, couch cushion doesn't seem to re-inflate itself as quickly anymore
	Dictionary defines the term 'cellulite' with your first name		Your tailor seems to break out in a cold sweat every time he sees you coming
	Can't sit on a teeter-totter without falling off to either side		Can't slip through turnstiles without grunting and squeezing your buns together
	Butt is registered as a lethal weapon with local police department		Occasionally dream your butt can speak, but all it ever says is "ho ho ho"
	Family has put you on a toilet paper budget		Cattle seem to graze in the shade you provide

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